


i count the silent day till i hear you sing once more

by lostin_space



Series: Sing. [2]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Blood, Canon Disabled Character, Happy Ending, M/M, Malex Week 2020, Physical Disability, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25381879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: After Alex loses his leg, it's a group effort to help him heal.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: Sing. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1838116
Comments: 15
Kudos: 81
Collections: Roswell New Mexico ▶ Michael Guerin / Alex Manes





	i count the silent day till i hear you sing once more

**Author's Note:**

> malex week day 7: au
> 
> as always, if i missed any tags, let me know
> 
> title: till i hear you sing from love never dies

“My head hurts.”

“I know, I know.”

Truthfully, everyone knew more than Alex’s head hurt. His whole body had to ache and his newly stitched up stump had to be the source of a fuckton of pain. However, Alex seemed to think if he didn’t mention how much his leg hurt, then he wouldn’t really be admitting to any weakness. Michael wasn’t about to take that away from him too.

Guilt pooled in Michael’s body every time he looked at his missing leg. So, as Kyle cleaned it up, he chose to focus on running his fingers through Alex’s sweaty hair and making sure he didn’t die from the blood loss.

“Aren’t… aren’t you gonna…” Alex whispered, shifting slightly. Michael instantly shushed him.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got everything under control. Just rest, okay?”

“But,” Alex said, “I got bit. You-you need… you need to…”

Michael shared an uncomfortable look with Kyle. He knew what he was suggesting. That they tie him down until they were sure it hadn’t entered his blood stream. However, they’d managed to find everyone  _ and  _ make it out of the store  _ and  _ all the way home  _ and  _ all the way through Kyle stitching him up. It seemed like they were at least out of those woods.

“I’ve got everything under control,” Michael repeated, pushing his hair away from his forehead, “Don’t worry.”

“I’m gonna go see if we have any tylenol,” Kyle said softly, carefully standing off the couch.

Alex’s head was securely in Michael’s lap and Michael found it difficult to do anything but give him his full attention. He was going to be okay. He wasn’t going to turn into one of them and he wasn’t going to die. He was going to be just fine, Michael was sure of it.

His second biggest concern was how long he would have Alex screaming in pain looping in his brain or the horrific images of cutting into his leg like it was nothing. He did it as clean as he could with as much precision as he could, but he wasn’t a doctor. Kyle said he did the right thing, but the image of it was going to haunt him for the rest of his life.

“None of this would’ve happened if it weren’t for me,” Isobel said suddenly. Michael almost jumped from the sound of another voice and it was a quick reminder that he wasn’t actually alone. His entire family was standing around them, watching Alex to make sure he was going to pull through and watching Michael to make sure he wasn’t going to lose it.

“It’s not your fault,” Max told her, instantly crossing the space to pull her into a hug. Isobel’s eyes stared over his shoulder though and stayed on Alex. 

“I’m why we were there.”

“He’s going to be okay,” Liz chimed in.

“You think  _ that  _ is okay?” Isobel breathed, gesturing to where Alex laid relatively out of it. He was still breathing, though, and that’s really all that mattered. “He’s never going to walk again and it’s my fault!”

“Isobel,” Kyle said as he reappeared, a bottle of tylenol in his hand. He was eying her like she was a wounded animal, carefully taking steps. Michael almost felt bad that Kyle was having to do so much for all of them. “Isobel, I know you’re upset and I understand and I’m not discounting that, but Alex needs everyone to be calm right now. So please go upstairs and I’ll see you in a minute.”

With a little persuasion from Max, Isobel agreed and went up stairs as quickly as she could. Kyle then asked Max and Liz to go start making dinner because they all needed to eat. Michael combed his fingers through Alex’s hair for the billionth time.

“Hey, do you think we can wake him up enough to get him to take some?” Kyle asked Michael, crouching down in front of the couch. It took him a few seconds to realize he needed to answer.

“Yeah, yeah, I think so,” Michael agreed, tilting his head as he moved his hand to his cheek, “Alex, hey, you awake?”

It took a few tries of calling his name to get him to swing back into consciousness. It was a line he’d been playing jump rope with since Michael first cut into his leg. He’d scream until he passed out from the pain and then he’d be in so much pain that he woke up screaming. The screaming eventually stopped, obviously, but the pain had put him in a slightly drugged-up state that had nothing to do with any kind of substance.

“My head hurts,” Alex said as he came to. Michael couldn’t help but smile, shaking his head as he stroked his cheek with the back of his hand.

“I know, I know,” Michael said back, “But we got some tylenol. Can you take it for me?”

“‘Kay,” Alex breathed. Michael could see him trying to wake himself up more, trying to sit up a little more, so he helped balance him. He was in so much pain and Michael hurt for him, but he did his best to support his head as he tried to get in a position where he could take pills.

It was really a three person effort to get the pills in Alex’s mouth and to chase them with water considering Alex’s hands weren’t steady enough to hold the glass of water and his mind was too bleary to swallow in normal timing. He almost choked twice. Eventually, though, he got them down and Michael helped lower him back to laying his head in his lap.

Kyle and Michael both waited as Alex seemed to fade again.

“Are  _ you  _ going to be okay, Michael?” Kyle asked cautiously. He blinked a couple times but nodded. He was. He’d been through a lot of things and this didn’t even qualify in the top 5 worst things he’d seen. But there was something so worrying about the  _ not knowing.  _ The future was already bleak and unpromised as it was, but now… 

“I’m okay,” Michael said, nodding, “Just worried.”

“I get it. Call for me if you need something,” Kyle said, patting the side of Michael’s leg before he stood up and went to go talk to Isobel.

Michael went back to focusing on Alex. His face was unnaturally pale and he was sweaty, his eyebrows pulled together. Michael smoothed them out and thought maybe he should wash his hands soon. They still had blood on them. He hadn’t noticed that until then.

Suddenly a hand went through Michael’s hair, catching in knots and pulling it back until it hit the couch. Maria was standing above him, her hand still buried in his hair as she gave him a once over. He didn’t say anything and she didn’t seem eager to jump into a conversation either. Instead, she slowly let him go and then gave him his own glass of water. He took it with thanks and nearly downed the whole thing in one go. He hadn’t realized he was thirsty.

“Give me your hands,” she instructed when he was done, dragging the coffee table back into place. He hesitantly gave her his left one, keeping his right on Alex’s chest.

Maria didn’t argue as she sat on the coffee table and took his hand. She used a wet washcloth to scrub the blood from his hand, even bothering to try to clean it from out of the creases of his nails as best as she could. When she was done, his left hand went to Alex’s head and she took his right to clean it in the same way.

“Thank you,” he said. Maria nodded and gave him a small smile.

“We take care of each other, okay? You took all of us in when you weren’t obligated to. So don’t worry. We’re all going to take care of you and Alex until you two can get back to normal,” she promised. Michael stared at her for a moment before he shook his head, swallowing as he looked down to Alex. His mouth was open as if he wasn’t getting enough breath from his nose.

“I don’t need help, we just gotta help Alex. I’m fine,” Michael said. Maria touched his chin though, making him look at her before she took her hand away.

“You weren’t the one who lost a leg, but you’re the one who had to cut into someone you love. I know you well enough to know that you think that isn’t enough to earn the trauma label, but that  _ is  _ traumatic. I don’t care how hardened you are, that’s a horrible thing you had to go through. And we’re here to help you, both of you, okay? So lean on us,” she instructed. Michael reluctantly agreed.

“Okay, I’ll try.”

“Good,” she said, her eyes drifting to Alex. She gave him a smile without any sadness or pity and it was the most positive thing Michael had seen in awhile. “He’s going to be okay. He’s strong. And so are you.”

She left him with a pat on the head as she went into the kitchen to help cook dinner.

He sincerely hoped she was right.

-

“My foot itches.”

Michael was half asleep, but who was he if not obedient when it came to Alex Manes?

It was dark outside and their bedroom was dark, but Michael could see Alex perfectly fine. It’d been three days since the  _ event  _ and Alex was more and more coherent by the hour which was great. They’d made it up the stairs with a little assistance and they got his leg propped up so he could continue resting in a place more comfortable than the couch. Michael was basically glued to his side, trying not to be overbearing as he used Alex’s hand as a pillow. 

“Okay,” Michael hummed, carefully stretching his own leg out to rub it against Alex’s foot in a lame attempt at making it stop itching. 

“No, not that one.”

And that was certainly enough to wake Michael up more. He propped himself up on his elbow to look at Alex who had his face twisted in irritation. And Michael had no idea how to help.

“What do you need me to do?” Michael asked cautiously. Alex let out a frustrated little laugh and he sniffled, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“I don’t  _ know.” _

“I’m sorry,” Michael said honestly, “I can scratch other places?”

Alex laughed, a tear slipping out from the corner of his eye. He tilted his head as if that would shield Michael from noticing. It was way too late for him not to notice.

“That won’t really help, will it?”

“No, but I’m trying. Maybe I can go get a cold washcloth or something?” Michael offered. Alex shook his head, sniffling again. “What do you need?”

“I don’t  _ know,  _ Michael, okay? I don’t know,” Alex said, his tone clipped. Michael didn’t take offense to it. He knew it had to be more than a little frustrating to deal with what he was dealing with right then. It wasn’t fair. Alex pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes as his breathing slowly started to become a little more erratic. Michael just scooted closer, hoping to provide some form of a comfort at the very least. “I’m useless now, you know? I won’t be able to help around the house, I won’t be able to go out exploring with you, I’ll only be a deadweight if something happens. If, if we get attacked by those fucking things, I’m dead or I’ll get all of you killed trying to watch over me. You should’ve just let me die. I’m, I’m  _ worse  _ than useless.”

“Okay, no, none of that,” Michael said, pushing himself to his knees and sitting on his legs to look at Alex. He hated seeing him like that, but he hated even more hearing him talk like that. It was the worst thing. “You are not useless. You’re smart and talented and ruthless and loving and‒”

“And I can’t walk! I can’t do anything!” Alex yelled at him. Michael shook his head, gently grabbing his face between his hands.

“Alex, listen to me,” he said, his forehead resting on his as he stared into his teary eyes. Michael tried not to join in on the crying. “You’re right. You can’t walk.  _ Right now.  _ You just lost your leg, you’re still healing. But in a week from now? A month from now? I’ll find you crutches to use, to get around.”

“You’re not  _ listening, _ ” Alex told him, voice cracking, “Even if I have crutches, I’m a liability. You should’ve let me die.”

“Fuck that, you’re not a liability. Do you know how many pirates back in the day were disabled and still badasses? I’ll make you a goddamn leg myself and you’ll be back on your violent bullshit,” Michael insisted. Alex let out a wet laugh, shaking his head.

“What the fuck are you talking about? This isn’t the same as that.”

“So what. You won’t be the same, but who fucking cares? I don’t. You can still be a badass, leg or not. You can still be  _ worth  _ something, leg or not. You’re worth everything to me, okay? So please, please, please stop talking like that. This is the hardest part. Finding hope to keep going is the hardest part. But please. You’re not worthless, you’re not a liability. Well, you are, but we all are. Family is a liability, but I’d rather have a family than be alone, okay? And you’re not fucking alone, Alex. We’ve got your back and we know you have ours. You just need to bear with me as we work through this thing, okay?” he insisted. Alex sniffled and he was clearly not very convinced.

“Okay,” Alex agreed, “Okay.”

And that was a start.

-

Michael kept true to his word.

A week later, when he felt comfortable enough to leave Alex’s side, he and Liz went out to find a set of crutches. They also found other things that might be helpful like moisturizer, special socks, a new sewing kit to use on Alex’s pants, and a book on the history of amputation and prosthetic limbs.

It took a little while, but eventually Alex was able to get around the house without getting lightheaded. He had to eat and drink more than he did before since he was using more energy than they had anticipated. But he was getting around. Michael took over his roles in the field and lugging water from the well while Alex took over the roles Michael had filled beside Isobel and Maria like washing clothes and cooking.

It was a slow process of making Alex feel like he wasn’t a nuisance all over again, one that involved giving multiple talks to Isobel so she would stop treating him like he was helpless out of guilt. But slowly, he began to feel like he was pulling his weight and Michael was thankful for it.

In their down time, Michael studied the book he found and talked to Kyle about what they would need to construct a prosthetic for him. They figured the best way would be to go back to the olden days and model it after a crutch along with a corset that kept it secure to his thigh. It would never be as good as the fancy robotic ones they had before the world went to shit, but it would help him get around easier and, if the worst happened and their farm got invaded, they wouldn’t need to worry that much more than they already would.

That led to months of trial and error. Months of measuring Alex’s leg and building something to match only to find it was either too painful or impractical and trying to decide if it was all of those things because it was  _ new  _ or because it would always be that bad. Months of Alex crying and lapsing back into bad thoughts. Months of frustration from all parties.

Once they found one that didn’t hurt that much, that led to a new hurdle. Who knew how hard it was to learn how to walk? It was agonizing and Alex slept for nearly 12 hours every night, his body drained from the effort that came with learning how to function in a whole new way. But Alex was a fighter and he slowly, slowly got it.

It was seven months after Michael had cut into Alex’s leg when he finally saw that Alex no longer felt helpless. That was a good feeling.

He didn’t wear the prosthetic most of the time because it did still hurt even if not that much. He would put it on for about thirty minutes every day so he didn’t forget how to use it, but then he would go back to only using his crutches. He pulled his weight just like the rest of them and he made it work. They all did. 

Michael came inside after working in the field and heard him laugh loudly for the first time in awhile again and went weak in the knees. He bypassed heading straight for a shower and peeked into the kitchen where Alex was leaning against the counter and peeling potatoes with Liz and Maria. He’d gotten really good at balancing.

“What’s so funny?” Michael asked.

“Oh, nothing,” Alex said, flashing him a kind smile and a wink. Michael felt his cheeks tint a little red and he smiled so wide it hurt. But Alex was gorgeous like this, happy and comfortable. “Are you heading upstairs?”

“Yeah, I was about to go take a shower,” Michael said, looking over at the girls who seemed a little too conspiratorial for his liking.

“Cool, can I come with?” Alex asked, bold and unwavering. Michael’s eyes widened and he looked over at the girls before looking back at Alex and nodding. “I’ll be back down soon.”

Michael couldn’t help it as his mind instantly started wandering. He and Alex hadn’t really had time to really enjoy time with just the two of them. He could count the number of times he’d done more than give Alex a short goodnight kiss in the last eight months on one hand. It made him feel giddy to simply walk up the stairs together.

When they got into their bedroom, Michael gave him a look.

“So, correct me if I’m wrong, but that was an invitation to shower together, right?” Michael said. Alex rolled his eyes and grinned as he sat on the bed, putting his crutches off the side.

“Come here,” he said. Michael obeyed and Alex tugged him down to sit beside him. Michael leaned in close and Alex held his face in his hands, holding him at bay. And he waited for whatever he was about to hear. “I just wanted to tell you that I love you.”

Which is not at all what he was expecting.

“The world is so fucked and this last year has been extra insane, but you’ve been right there by me and I wanted you to know that I love you. I loved you before that happened, but I haven’t been telling you. So thank you for everything and I love you.”

“I love you too,” Michael said, waiting for the  _ but.  _ The way he spoke made it seem like he was about to say something bad right after. “What’s wrong?”

Alex huffed a laugh, eyes widening as he pushed him away.

“What do you mean? I can’t just say I love you?”

“Well, you can, you’re just making it seem like something bigger.”

“Well, there’s nothing bigger,” Alex said, eyeing him as a smile found his face, “Okay, there might be something bigger.”

“Tell me.”

But instead of being told, Alex pulled Michael in for a kiss and he laid back on the bed to pull him even closer. It was all too reminiscent of their first kiss in the truck, desperate and needy and wanting. How had he gone so long without those kisses?

Alex’s hands started to try and tug his shirt up and Michael pulled away.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure,” Alex said, “I feel better than I have in months.”

“I meant more ‘cause I’m really dirty.”

Alex let out a soft laugh and rolled his eyes, only pulling him closer.

“Guess we’ll have to take a pretty creative shower then.”

Michael all but carried him into the bathroom, kissing him still and relearning all the curves of his body and how it fit into his hands. It’d been so long and so goddamn worth it. But, then again, Alex was worth everything under the sun.

This was worth it all.

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


End file.
